My title, 'Being a Conservative Muslimah on the Inside,' describes my feeling of myself for the past 3 months. I reverted to Islam in May of this year after understanding its truth through my husband - who is a Muslim.
My husband comes from a secular, Islamic country and I am an American. You would think this would spawn a liberal Muslimah, however this is not so. Be it personal belief or personal experiences, I feel like a conservative Muslim.
Although I feel this way on the inside, I am forced to not wear the hijab by social standards both in my family and in my non-Muslim social community. No one in my immediate family knows that I am Muslim! My husband and I currently live with my Father, a Southern Baptist. I come from a typical, divorced family in the South. I am the only child. Although I could feel isolated in this environment, I do have a considerable amount of Muslim friends from my local masjid, Alhumdulilah!
But, even so, I feel alone from time to time. I have spoken to my husband about my want to wear hijab. The only person in his family that wears one is his Grandmother, so you could imagine some of his feelings... sometimes he accepts it because it is my decision... other times he wishes I wouldn't wear it because it could be troublesome for our friends and family to accept. I think he cannot picture his wife, who was once a beachy, bathing-suit-wearing, hippie, to one day cover her entire body with cloth for the rest of her life!
And I do have troubles when I think about deciding to wear hijab. Making a decision one day that I will dress that way for the rest of my days! It is difficult to make that choice. I have complete adoration for those reverts or even those that were born into Islam that wear hijab or niqab! I am not sure where I stand with these women, unfortunately.
Like I have said, for the past three months I have really thought about wearing hijab. I love going to the masjid on Fridays because that is my time to wear my hijab outside of my bedroom. I cannot even wear it around the house because of my Father. He has seen me in it twice before in going to the masjid, and his response was open-mouthed, bulging eyes, and words of, "I just can't get used to seeing you that way yet." I cling on that word - yet. Maybe it was just used in passing with no real meaning, but to me I really hope that I will one day be accepted by my family with my decision on hijab... but, also, most importantly, in my decision to be a Muslim!
So, for now I opt for the longer shirts, the baggy jeans, and the long-sleeved shirts. I only wonder what it will be like for me in summer with these type of clothing decisions!
Allah akbar!
Sincerely,
'Meryem'
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im sorry for my typo : "Assistance", not "assistants". Peace o
Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I feel that you will know it when the right time comes for you to wear it. Until then, pray for assistants and guidance from Allah -- for God knows only what is deep in our hearts. And He cares, dont worry and fall into despair. I know saying these is easy, but inshallah, thru prayer and guidance from God, things will get a lot better. Your brother, Love Strong, UK
This is ironic u know I have been trying to speak with my parents of my interest is lslam. its hard because i was born into a christain family. My interest was peaked in islam because of a turkish boy I had met. He of course is muslim and we have had conversations at great lengths about islam. Anyway good luck with yours. I still need to find the way to do this.
Alhamduillah, I am also happy to hear that you have converted to this wonderful religion, but I agree with the sister I can not say either that it is ok to carry on wih out your hijab it seems as if your husband is ashamed of his religion. But i think you should study more and make all your prays and make dua Allah (swt) knows best.
Aasalaamu Aliekum
I'm happy to hear that you have become a muslim :). It doesn't look like you have a lot of support for becoming a practicing muslim...which is too bad. I think you could also look at this as a great opportunity. If you start practicing Islam then you might inspire others around you to ask questions about Islam and you could even bring your husband back to islam. That is some major ajar (reward) opportunity.
Of course I can not say it is ok for you to carry on with out hijab. I think the best thing for you to do is read more about islam, increase your knowledge, pray a lot, make lots of dhikr. these things will help you increase your iman (faith) to the point where you fear Allah more than your society. To a level where you wont care what peoples opinions are you only care for the pleasure of your Lord. You just reverted so I don't think anyone really expects you to be different over night. Just pace yourself, do your best.
May Allah(swt) make it easy for you, and grant you tawfeeq, ameen
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Assalamu alaykum
Yes you desire to wear hijab is strong mashaAllah. But with all the things with both families reactions you MUST put that all aside.
Whats more important to you...obeying Allah or obeying your husband? Your first duty should ALWAYS be to Allah first. Your second is to your husband. Your husband IS a muslim and should know better.
If you decide to wear hijab full time like the way you want....then go for it sis. If your husband has a problem with it then tell him to read the Quran. As for the rest of family members...dont worry about there reactions. Yes they maybe in shock at first and cant understand the idea of hijab. But you are NOT pleasing them you are pleasing Allah.
If your family members love you they will accept you after they get over the shock of your hijab. You are still you...even under that beautiful hijab.
Stand tall and be proud that you are a muslimah.