There's lots of blogs on here about what this brother or that sister is looking for in a spouse. I've been giving some thought to what's important to me and I'd like to see what others think about this.
First thing I want to know.....
Do you pray? How often...do you pray 5 times a day? How many of your prayers are in the masjid? Do you go to jummah?
How much of the Quran have you memorized? what are you working on memorizing? Can you recite?
Have you taken any classes? ( especialy al-maghrib institute classes :) Do you have a favorite Hadith? Can you Nerrorate it? Tell me an aya or two of the quran that give you chills or makes you cry.
Ideological differences would ofcorse have to be sorted out...there's no way I'd marry a shia or sufi or any other wierd group.
What do you do......yeah, this question is usualy first on the list. A sister ( and her family) wants to know that she will be taken care of...but here's the thing. I could care less what a brother makes....is your job halal? Can you keep a roof of somesort over my head regardless of if I work or not?
Would you let me work....hey, part time work to keep a sister stimulated mentaly and socialy is nice...besides it would be cool to be able to keep more of my money insted of forking it over for all the bills.....oh yeah and I mean I'm not opposed to contributing to the finances of the house but it would be nice if my money wasnt nessisary....even if I had to wait for that day.
Immigration status is a key issue too I dont want to be someones greencard ticket.
culture and upbringing....are our backgrounds compatable? this is not racism this is a practical concideration...some things in american culture are totaly acceptable and in other cultures are a grave insult...cultural differences can cause friction.
Are you ok with me wearing niqab? are you ok with me not wearing niqab? how would you feel if I wore it then changed my mind?
Are you scared of "politics?" Politics and religion are two taboos in american workplace culture lol and they are my favorite topics. I rarely shy away from sharing my views with...whoever. I'm not afraid to confrunt any one.
Can you play? would you be seen flying a kite in a park with no kids? would you watch cartoons? would you be insulted or die of emberrassment if I made silly faces at you in the store?
Do you like to learn? would you study with me? I am a big fan of almaghrib institute and I realy hope to study more through them!!
There's more ofcorse..but thiese are a few things that have come to mind recently.
(hmmm, I've just detected a massive programming flaw in Muslimspace so I will continue below where I left off, insha Allah) It's a reasonable deal.As for the guys, well we eventually want the sister who will not judge us so severely. Like for example in the first meeting when you thought we were being overly-romantic. Well we were. But that's what we do. We just dont want you to dump us at the starting point on that basis. Really, a smart lady should be able to deal with men's 'subtle' advances with philosophy and patience. Maybe there's a quite decent guy trying desperately to be with you but you think he's being salacious. That might just be youthful stupidity. Ok so it's not Islamic but everything has a learning curve. If you keep misreading the signs you will eventually conclude that ALL the brothers dont practice - which is a very silly mistake. Thus you will complain about it and the guys will complain about it and then instead of marriages there will be upsets.btw. No guy thinks any woman is ugly who was nice to him. You also cover for a good reason. Why should we bemoan our status? It doesnt make us any more pretty or attractive. Allah (SWT) has written a person into all of our lives at some point. He always keeps his promises and He has implied that every Muslim is to have a mate. Therefore I would like to believe that the brothers and sisters on this forum can 'chill out' with the gender thing. Really it's not going to help one bit if we keep blasting one another with indirect missiles like the current batch of blogs.As for me my problem is that I am out of work. The world economy is in recession. So I will be praying for a job. Insha Allah a nice bride will follow. That's good advice btw.Wasallamu Aleikom,AbdulHamid.