Salaams, Honey! Meet Your New Co-Wife!!!

Lol. Subhannallah. OF course. I am in polygamy and my Hubby made sure to tell her first before marrying me. That makes the wife feel better then the sneeky sneeky games.

peace, I am aware of this kind of behavior. I am trying so hard to understand why these men take the word of Allah (swat) and make something bad out of something good.

As a follow up, I must add that as Muslim men have the right to up to four wives (with all the requirements fulfilled), polygamy is not an obligation or a duty of Muslim women. As a Muslimah, I don't have to be in a polygamous marriage. Just as I don't have to marry someone I don't care for and remain single, I don't have to be married to someone who wants additional wives.

On a personal level, my marriage contract is quite specific about this matter, in that I must be informed (who, date, time, place, address) in the event my husband makes such a choice. This matter has been discussed between me and my husband before our marriage more than 25 years ago and often comes up, especially when I hear about total foolishness like the item posted.

I am constantly trying to figure out how a man who claims to want to advance Islam, be a good Muslim, be a good father can secretly marry an other woman, keep the relationship a secret from other family members, etc. and still claim to be a "good brother." Give me a break.

With regard to the term "co-wife", it is commonly used, but as one sister already stated, as a woman, I can't be any kind of wife to another woman.

Sisters, please don't lower your standards and/or get manipulated into letting go of your Allah given rights and privileges. If that lady who married in the middle of the night had a Muslim father and mother, I doubt that the brother would have gotten passed Hello. Sad.

Salaams and Ramadan Kareem. I simply have to respond at this late date, four months after your posting. If I have learned something during my 40+ or should I say 50+ years on this planet, chances are if the brother married according to your report, the marriage may be on its way to coming to an end. First things first, men have an obligation to treat their wives fairly. If one wife knows she is married to a man, and his other wife or wives do not, the brother is starting married life in a bad, bad way. Although I have heard of things like this happening (what I really hate to call what appears to be a booty call) why, oh why would any woman accept such conditions under which to marry? It's Ramadan. I am fasting. I hate to say this but our people (yes, the Muslims) are becoming so classless, trifling and questionable in their practice of this Deen. You, dear sister, are also very patient. My husband is a very serious man. But he knows better than trasping off in the middle of the night to "witness" a nikah. Maybe because he has two grown daughters of his own and is constantly trying to figure out the what, wheres and hows of paying for their weddings.

lol... shukran for the real talk Saafiraja! That was very real and very true!

As Salaamu Alaikum...

Well....I am the second wife, and although I am happy that my Husband made Dua for me to be his wife, the other wife is not so happy. As far as I am concerned…I have the best Husband in the World, Ameen.
I am living this now:
It is funny how when we have been looking to marry, we are willing to be a co-wife. (And I know this was the case with this person as she spoke of it often). After we do get married and are the only wife, all of a sudden we do not want that part of Islam. If I am Muslim I accept it all, InshaAlláh.
It was his choice to have a second wife and she is not having any of her rights removed accept what she gives away. And since she was not pleased with the arrangement, two days after we were married he moved completely out of their home into mine at her request, asking for a divorce and all. Now I am a woman and I know the emotional toll this may be taking on her. I ask Allah to soften her heart and be more receptive of the situation. It is now between her and her Lord!!
Since we married I have reached out to this Sister, all to no avail. I finally had to tell her on one occasion that this was not done to hurt her, it is the will of Allah. That NO, I did not have to invite her to my wedding, as it was MY wedding and I was marrying him not her. I have seen her at Islamic events and oh-well, it is what it is. He provides for us both very well, (according to my contract any way..and I got real specific...LOLOL), and may he reap the rewards from Alláh, Ameen.
I give him the privacy to deal with her. When she calls I remove myself from the room. If she texts late at night that is between them. When she goes to the community and slanders me, he speaks up, to her and the community. When her car was down I TOLD him to go and see that she had all that she needed. I send stuff to her and I ask that he not tell her it is from me, as it is Sadaqah. All I need from her is the Love of one sister to another within the bounds of Islam.
Sisters when our husbands choose to remarry the reasons are his own. For all of you who think you need to be informed...think again. He should tell you out of kindness, but the reality of it is he doesn’t have to tell you anything. And for all you sisters who believe that your husband won't marry another sister....think again. If you are not a co-wife, keep up some of the bitter comments and you soon will be.
Do not EVER think that you have that brother on LOCK…. If you are two soft, he might want someone harder, and vice versa. Keep your heads on straight ladies……Do not get it twisted. He may see in another what he does not see in you.... and it is ok if he does. If you are a revert to Islam, and in the Dunya, you were the other woman...think of it as at least you have the benefit of marriage!!! And if he took another after me, the better the benefit for him. I am not one of those sisters who feel the need to be in every area of my husband’s life. Allah is over him and he is over me!! I do not have a desire to choose his next wife either. Be careful what you ask for. And as for BigPoppa….. I WOULD NEVER PRESUME TO TELL MY HUSBAND IF AND WHEN HE IS ON HIS JOB !!!! I am just sayin……….

Striving Muslimah, what word would you deem more appropriate for me to use as opposed to co-wife? I did not intend to demean you in any way, it's simply the word that I have always heard and used. My mother was in a polygynous marriage and that is what she called herself. However, I never said that I would expect for you to address each other as such. It it simply a title. So, what word should I use instead? Masalaama.

Muslimah2Muslimah. I respect your comment but must disagree. Two women do not share or jointly own a husband. We as creations are the property of Allah(swt) and to HIM we belong and to HIM we will ALL return. Now the huband or wife is a comfort a sense of peace & tranquliity bestowed on that person by Allah(swt) for an appointed time and Allah(swt) knows best. So we are only protectors of one another and we hold no ownership that only lies with Allah(swt)! We are however accountable to how we treat that peson(s) and with Allah(swt) is the FINAL judgement. In reference to Ahadiths in Arabic versus English. Primarily the ones that I'm referring to I've read in Arabic without transliteration so like I said they never referred to one another in the term "co-wife" they always mentioned each other's names to show RESPECT & HONOR & MUTUAL love for the sake of Allah(swt) & the position that HE gave them over the women in the world. It would behove us ALL to read about Asiya, Maryam, Khadijah, Aisha, Hafsa, Zaynab, Umm Salaam(May Allah(swt) be pleased with them ALL& grant them Jennah) & the others to get an example of what WE ALL should aspire to be like- May ALLAH(swt) in HIS INFINITE WISDOM & MERCY guide US ALL-Ameen!
It''s funny how people can comment on some things but leave out the Islam and the mutual respect & love for Allah(swt) & HIS creation that I mentioned as well as the muslim contributions that can be made to society- individually& collectively for the betterment of this world.

Most men cant take care of one properly let alone #2, #3, #4 so having your mind on that is just a waste of time and saves you from hell fire, otherwise you could have treated the women unequally and that very upsetting to Allah. So its best to think twice about it.

as salamu alaikum
Ibn Katheer (rahimahullaah) says in his tafseer [2/392-393]: "You will never be able to [perfectly] deal justly between wives even if it is your ardent desire…" meaning: you will never be able to equate between wives from every perspective, so even if the division of time is equal between them, a night for a night, there will most certainly be inequality in love, desire, and sexual relations, as was said by Ibn Abbaas Ubaidah Ibn As-Salmaanee, Mujaahid, al-Hasan al-Basree, and ad-Dahhaak Ibn Muzaahim. Ibn Abee Haatim said: "Aboo Zur’aah narrated to us: Ibn Abee Shaybah narrated to us: Al-Hasan Al-Ju’fee narrated to us on the authority of Zaa’idah from ‘Abdul-Azeez Ibn Rufi’ on the authority of Ibn Abee Mulaikah who said: "This ayah, "You will never be able to [perfectly] deal justly between wives even if it is your ardent desire…" was revealed about Aa’ishah (radiyallaahu anhaa), meaning that the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), loved her more than anyone
His statement: "So do not incline too much to one of them…" meaning: If you incline towards one of them (feelings, sexual relations, love) do not go overboard inclining completely "So as to leave the other hanging…" meaning: to leave the other suspended. Stated Ibn Abbaas, Mujaahid, Sa’eed Ibn Jubair, al-Hasan, ad-Dahhaak, Ar-Rabee’ Ibn Anas, as-Siddee, and Muqaatil Ibn Hayyaan: "It means neither married nor divorced."

And His statement: "…And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allaah by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allaah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful." meaning: if you properly place your affairs in order and divide between them justly in what you are able, and fear Allaah in all your affairs, Allaah will forgive you for your inclining (in the past) to one woman over the other."
As for the punishment for those who are unjust between their wives in that which they have the ability not to be, then this comes in the hadeeth that is collected in the Sunan of Aboo Daawood (no. 2133), an-Nisaa’ee in his Sunan (2/157), at-Tirmidhee in his Jaami’ (1/213), Ibn Maajah in his Sunan (no. 1969), ad-Daarimee in his Sunan (2/143), and others, and is authenticated by al-Muhaddith al-Albaanee in Irwaa al-Ghaleel (no. 2017), on the authority of Aboo Hurayrah who said: The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:

"Whoever has two wives and inclines toward one of them (over the other) he will come on the Day of Judgement and one side of his body will be slanted."
"He will come on the Day of Judgement and one side of his body will be slanted."