from behind closed doors

Salam aleikum

Charles M. Schultz, the creator of Peanuts, said " Nothing funny ever resloves out of happiness, misery is what creates humor; all the sad things happening to Charlie Chaplin are funny, because they're not happening to you."

I thought I tried this out.

I have noticed a long time ago, that if you write when you're happy you just succeed to produce a bunch of sentimental crap. And man, am i in the right to mood for this now...

Now. My group of single white females (as I keep referring to us allthough the rest probably don't appreciate it much) has been, again, lost in the midsts of human relationships.

So far I have always thought that divorcing was the right choice, as I was quite miserable in my former marriage. Now i'm beginning to doubt myself. 

NOT because i'd want to get back together with my ex (shudders), but rather because I seem to be stuck behind closed doors on the whole marriage issue. 

It is true, as my friend here often says, that i am being ridiculously demanding. According to her;

"Marriage should be treated as a business solution where you give something and get something in return. It's no use getting all sentimental over it."  (She is, of course herself, quite content in her marriage and married to a good man so SHE DONT HAVE TO THINK about this kinda load.) So the fact that i'm looking for a soul-sympathy and other "things never to be found with men " I'm viewed as compleatly idiotic. Im really waiting for my mind to get around this one of these days.

Another friend of mine, also a divorced single mother,got married quite happily after being single for quite a long time. She said; " I was thinking that it will be no problem finding someone after divorcing and was REALLY surprised when I didn't." (then she married a great guy too and lived happily ever after)

My point here is, that I do realize that there is a possibility in finding what you're looking for. Maybe you just have to go for the lowered expectations (pls all get the reference to the madtv sketch they had way back),

So, when in my next blog I'll tell you that I've married Mahmoud the Paperdoll please don't be surprised. THIS has nothing to do with dudes called Mahmoud, (we might as well call him Johnny. But Mahmoud suits the context), it's a genreal expression (and as most of my general expressions is only used by me) to refer to a guy who marries a stupid finnish (or insert a chosen nationality) revert to get papers and dumps her after two years. (that's the amount of time that it takes to get a permanent unlimited staying permit in Finland) .He usually has no education and speaks very little english. And of course he's THE prince. That is to say, he considers himself to be the first priority and comes before you, your kids and the society you live in. He will not work, since of course, he's way too good to do any simple work. Maybe if some brothers were to offer (and this really means OFFER and almost beg) him to take the position of an executive he might cosider it. (to quit it after two days cos there was racism/salary was low/they just didn't look up to him enough)

So far my, unconcious, dua has been "Oh Lord never let me get that desperate."

But as I see the doors are not just closed but bolted , and this wretched country of mine isn't helping the matter (by being so far away from any remote spot of civilization but which I refuse to quit for silly reasons of my own)  Im growing more and more weary of being by myself.Can you blame me?

Yes. You can.

I have, by no means, deserved and happiness in these matters. I wasn't what I could call a good wife in my former marriage and as much as there was horrible misconduct from the side of my ex, rest assured I was no angle. (I can be really nasty. Gee, not that you've noticed.) So I can blame myself. 

Then when you do meet the person YOU'd want to marry your habit of defending yourself against the offers made by Mahmouds gets in the way. This is often seen as narcisism from the point of view of the other. As it probably is.

So, what im saying is, if someone could lend me  a chainsaw I'll bust this door. *sigh* and yes, I know no one has one well-oiled they could spare. They never do. That's just the thing with these damn emotional barriers (the closed doors, that our minds keep closed by building up barriers on the other side.) you can only get over them by yourself.

wa salam. a 

ps. have you ever noticed that all the love affairs in Peanuts are always one-sided? for example Charlie loves the little red-haired girl who is never even shown. Charles Schultz, on this, said " I've often watned to draw a bitter-sweet strip where I show the little red-haired girl but as hard as I've tried I just can't draw her." That pretty much sums it up, dont it.